Friendships used to feel easy. When we were younger, becoming friends was as simple as sitting next to someone in class or liking the same movie. But somewhere along the way, friendships changed. They became more layered, more fragile, and much more confusing. Suddenly friendships carried expectations – texting back quickly enough, always being available, balancing different personalities, and trying not to offend anyone while also trying to be yourself. It’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re constantly messing up, even when we’re trying our best.

Part of the difficulty comes from how rapidly we are all changing. As teens, our identities aren’t fixed. Our values shift, our interests evolve, and our emotional needs change. Friendship used to be solely based on proximity; now it depends more on emotional compatibility, communication, trust, and effort. That’s a lot to ask from people who are still figuring themselves out. Sometimes friendships drift simply because two people are growing at different speeds. Sometimes they become complicated because one person is overwhelmed. And sometimes they feel tense because unspoken expectations build up on both sides.

Understanding this made me appreciate something important: friendships don’t fail just because they change. They fail when we expect them to stay the same forever. I can now see that changes are part of the natural rhythm. Some friendships become quieter for a while. Some become deeper. Some fade and later come back stronger. And some run their course – not out of conflict or drama, but simply because we outgrow each other.

One of the most helpful things I learned was to communicate more honestly, even when it felt uncomfortable. Saying something like, “I’ve been overwhelmed, but I still care about you,” or “I didn’t mean for that to come across badly,” relieved so much unnecessary tension. We often assume that honesty will make things awkward, but avoiding the conversation usually creates even more distance. Most people appreciate honesty, even if it’s vulnerable or imperfect.

Another important realisation was that friendships don’t need constant contact to be meaningful. Some of the strongest friendships I’ve had were the ones where we didn’t talk every day, but we understood each other deeply. We could go days or weeks without speaking and still feel connected. True friendship makes space for life, stress, silence, and growth.

If friendships feel harder than they should, you’re not failing – you’re simply becoming more aware of what real, mature friendships require. They require patience, communication, empathy, boundaries, and understanding that everyone is doing the best they can. You don’t have to be a perfect friend; you just have to be a sincere one.
Friendships will change, and so will you. And that’s not something to fear, it’s something to navigate with compassion, for yourself and for others.

Sabrina Kanli

thebyf.project