Why settle for good when perfect is possible? 

This is a thought of many teens globally and doesn’t seem like a problem. To be honest, it doesn’t have to be a problem at all. According to the American Psychological Association, around 30% of us have perfectionistic traits at varying levels. Perfectionism only becomes a problem when you inflict excessive amounts of pressure on yourself to perform the best you can, and it becomes detrimental to your mental health, affecting self-esteem and potentially causing anxiety and depression. 

This negative, detrimental type of perfectionism is called maladaptive perfectionism and is something that I have struggled with from a young age. I often put immense pressure on myself, setting unrealistic goals to achieve by a certain time. This is almost always impossible, and failing to meet unrealistic expectations is especially bad for mental health because it creates the self-inflicted belief that you are not good enough, and not deserving of ‘rewards’ such as taking a break or watching your favourite show. Having perfectionism can throw off work-life balance and can centre your self-worth around whether you attain your unrealistic goals and milestones or not, which is not the healthiest way of thinking. 

One way I have learnt to tackle this is by simplifying my to-do list and focusing on building daily momentum rather than attempting everything in one go. Rather than setting myself 10+ large tasks for the day, I can lay down maybe 2-3 and make sure I complete them to a good standard. Completing tasks off of your to-do list does release dopamine, which is why we get a little boost after ticking something off at the end of the evening. My idea is that training your brain to get used to these ‘little’ daily wins can boost mental health and self-esteem in the long term. 

But why should I do less in a day if that’s nowhere near what I want to do? 

I think beating maladaptive perfectionism is all about building momentum, as well as practising self-compassion. Doing a little every day is always better than trying to finish too much, failing and beating yourself up for the next few days before you gain motivation again. Self-compassion is equally important– perfectionists often focus on the negatives in life and overlook the positives as ‘givens’ or ‘standard.’ So, try shifting your focus at the end of each day, or even right now: what went/is going well today? What 3 things am I grateful for today?

Another way perfectionism can manifest itself is the inability to finish things or even start them due to wanting to do them so perfectly. This can cause procrastination and is detrimental not just to mental health, as you feel bad for not being productive, but also can affect academic performance in the long term if not managed. It is challenging to manage as making progress in anything, even overcoming maladaptive perfectionism, requires you to get started in the first place. Personally, focusing on fewer tasks but completing them as I have mentioned will help with feelings of overwhelm. Maybe consider setting a realistic end time for each task that might work for you, creating a little pressure and adrenaline to help get you started. 

Apart from academics, it is easy to bring perfectionism into other aspects of your life, where things can get harder and more complex. For example, if you didn’t perfect that new hairstyle you wanted to try before school, you could say to yourself: “Why can’t I do anything properly?” and start the day in a bad mood. A bad mood can then affect social interactions and academic performance.  This is a more severe example of how perfectionism can affect mood and create negative thought patterns very quickly. Once the brain gets used to these negative, self-deprecating thought patterns, it can be difficult to reverse them and have a more positive attitude, but I speak from experience when I say this is possible. 

The absolute key is self-compassion. Try to notice when you are being too self-critical and challenge these thoughts by looking for unbiased evidence that they are true and with kindness. If you find yourself using toxic motivation, or blaming yourself for the smallest hiccup in your day, think to yourself: “Would I say this to my best friend?” Other tactics such as mindfulness or journaling are known to help quiet a mind constantly thinking about what they could or should be doing at every present moment. Talking things through with someone, or journaling helps to put things into perspective and allows you to acknowledge that sometimes you may be too harsh on yourself.

In conclusion, you are not alone if you struggle with maladaptive perfectionism. Perfectionism is a real issue that can very quickly worsen mental health. Many of us struggle with it, and it is important to acknowledge your negative thoughts to break free from them, and instead be more compassionate towards yourself. Perfection and success are not the same thing; we should focus on little daily successes as well as practising self-compassion.

Sabrina Kanli