You have probably heard the phrase ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ countless times, but have you ever taken the time to reflect on it?

At its core, comparison fosters a sense of inadequacy, making us feel like we are falling short of societal and self-imposed expectations. Whether expressed in the form of belittling our appearances, undermining our academic achievements in the light of our friends’ successes, or scrolling endlessly through social media envying another person’s life, comparison only fuels self-doubt and dissatisfaction. Instead of focusing on our own progress and achievements, we get caught up in a cycle of trying to meet unattainable standards. But why is this habit so harmful, and how can we break free from it?

For me, comparison has been an obstacle to my self-esteem that I have spent years aiming to overcome. While the simple ‘don’t compare yourself to others, you are enough’ may sound comforting, I have found it ineffective in countless situations. Instead of trying to suppress feelings of comparison, I decided to change my approach, which has proven much more beneficial for my self-esteem. I now embrace my three-question method whenever I find myself envying a quality that I see in someone else:

1. What trait do I see in them that I wish I had?
2. Do I already have it in some way?
3. Can I control whether I achieve it for myself?

These simple questions have systematically helped me to determine whether my comparison is a motivator or a mental burden, and they will for you too. If the quality is something within your control, channel your energy into self-improvement and beneficial development. If it is something out of your control, then remind yourself that lingering on these negative feelings is a waste of time that will burden you with unnecessary feelings of self-doubt and frustration. Accepting lack of control is difficult, especially when it comes to appearance-based comparisons, but it is crucial for establishing self-worth, and it is the only factor that will allow you to break free from the perilous cycle of comparison. 

Comparison is prominent in 2 specific areas, especially for teenagers: appearance based comparison and academic comparison. Appearance based comparison, while incredibly destructive, is an uncontrollable factor that we just have to accept. We cannot spend our lives fearing to showcase our unique features, wishing we looked like someone else. It is so important to remember that all teenagers have their insecurities that they hyperfixate on. Whenever you look at one of your friends, you won’t notice their own insecurities, and the same will happen when people look at you. Embrace your uniqueness and your own features, the truth is that there is definitely someone else wishing for a feature that you have spent your time belittling. 

Academic comparison, on the other hand, is a factor more within our breadth of control. While we cannot control others’ abilities or achievements, we can influence our own mindset. The funny thing about academic comparison is that it can sometimes be quite beneficial. Seeing someone who studied harder on a test get a better result will only motivate you to be proactive and challenge yourself to work even harder. Before you jump to destructive conclusions, remember that circumstances are always different for everyone. You never know what happened exactly those few days or months before the test, and you will never truly know how much work someone has put into their academic success. It is also important to consider that we all have different skills and different specialties. Comparing one of our weaker skills with another’s strongest skill is not a fair fight. Instead of lingering on destructive emotions that will influence self-doubt, instead channel this negative energy into a more proactive mindset. 

In conclusion, comparison is an inevitable part of life, but how we approach it determines its impact on our well-being. By shifting our focus from envy to self-improvement and recognizing what is within our control, we can break free from the harmful cycle of comparison. Instead of letting comparison steal our joy, we should use it as a tool for growth and positive development.

Isaure Pajot